It was my disastrous marriage that made me desperate to learn about the rights of women in Islam. The moment I started reading about Islam, I saw the solution for my problems. I got the courage to demand my rights! I knew that if I didn't act immediately, I would continue to be a slave to society and culture and I would be answerable to Allah. The following are some of the hadiths that gave me the confidence and courage to speak out:

Ibn `Abbas narrated:

The wife of Thabit ibn Qais ibn Shammas came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Messenger! I do not blame Thabit for any defects in his character or his religion, but I am afraid that I (being a Muslim) may become unthankful for Allah's blessings." On that, Allah's Messenger said (to her), "Will you return his garden to him?" She said, "Yes." So she returned his garden to him and the Prophet told him to divorce her. (Al-Bukhari 7:63, no. 199).

Ibn `Abbas also narrated:

Barira's husband was a slave called Mughith, as if I am seeing him now, going behind Barira and weeping with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet said to `Abbas, "O `Abbas! Are you not astonished at the love of Mughith for Barira and the hatred of Barira for Mughith?" The Prophet then said to Barira, "Why don't you return to him?" She said, "O Allah's Messenger! Do you order me to do so?" He said, "No, I only intercede for him." She said, "I am not in need of him." (Al-Bukhari 7:63, no. 206)

Thus, indeed, it was my dead married life that paved the way for me to get closer to Allah and to become fully aware of the beauty of Islam. It was not easy, but I asserted my rights to end my marriage. But the society was stubborn and cold to my assertion and refused to acknowledge my God-given right. I struggled for two years to get a divorce. Finally, I was freed from the marriage through talaq (divorce).

It was certainly not a happy decision, but it made all the difference in my life. Freed from the weight of a joyless marriage, I was able to find joy in life again and to rediscover my love for Allah.

Though Islam condemns male chauvinism, it is widespread among many Muslim societies. Even in the case of divorce, a male easily gives talaq to his wife if he is unable to put up with her. But it isn't the same with the wife. In fact, she is asked to be patient all the time, instead of using her own right to end a marriage. I don't understand how they can neglect the rights given to Muslim women by Allah.

Unfortunately, in some societies it is culturally unacceptable that a woman should be aware of her rights and that she might actually wish to exercise those rights! Many brand the woman with ugly names, such as adulterous, psychic, possessed by jinn, masculine, arrogant just for intending to implement her Islamic rights. When a Muslim woman seeks khul`, she often endures mental and physical torment from her neighbors, friends, even family who do not understand that this is her God-given right and no shame should fall upon it.

These are some of the reasons why most women choose to remain silent, enduring a painful and lifeless marriage. Also, people often used the following hadith to advocate their views on divorce and to convince women (including myself) to stay in an unpleasant marriage:

The Prophet said, "Of all the lawful acts the most detestable to Allah is divorce." (Abu Dawud, Book 12 no. 2173)

The above hadith is persistently referred to along with comments like, "If you take khul`, evil will befall you and you will be subject to misery in this world until your death." Upon hearing this in my situation, I asked myself, "Then how come the Prophet allowed a woman to divorce merely for disliking her husband?" (referring to Barira's case). I decided to research in more detail and I found that many Islamic scholars — Dhahabi, Abu Al-Albani and others — rated the above hadith as weak (www.dorar.net). Even when provided with reasonable explanations regarding this hadith, long-held misinterpretations were held onto steadfastly, leaving me in complete frustration with regard to my own dilemma.

I remember a sister telling me, "I approached the masjid for a khul` as I did not get any support from my family; they are not able to understand my problem. They feared their honor would be shattered in the society if I took khul`. This forced me to seek guidance and help from the masjid." She added, "But the masjid imam said he will not be able to help me without my parents' consent."

In actual Shari`ah law, parental consent is neither necessary nor obligatory for a woman to obtain a divorce, so why are certain imams asking for it? If she is unable to tolerate her husband and unable to fulfill her duties as a wife, who will be answerable? Will her parents or society intercede for her on the Day of Judgment? Moreover, according to the Shari`ah, khul` can be obtained if the wife returns the mahr (dower) or any part of it that the husband agreed to (as long as it does not exceed the dower); the husband is commanded to accept this in exchange for divorce.

(To be continued)

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