kindness is the basis for the formation of the family system in Islam

الأسرة في الإسلام

Dr. Ibrahim bin Abdullah Al-Ansari said that the perception of the family in Islam is linked to Islamic faith and law. This is rooted in the verse: {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for people who give thought.} [Al-Rum: 21]. This verse is talking about the signs of Allah in the universe. It shows the miraculousness of Allah in the universe by mentioning the principle of creation and refers to the family and its formation as the smallest unit of society. This came in his speech yesterday to the “Shari’a and Life in Ramadan” program on Al-Jazeera.

The family in Islam is linked to the system of Islamic law, and the Sharia has laid down all the rulings related to the establishment, protection, preservation and of the family with great precision.

In view of the Philosophy of Islam iIn the theory of family formation, Dr. Ibrahim Al-Ansari said that Islamic legislation sees the family as the basis of society, and that this legislation is based on three main axes; The first is natural and lies in mating, and the second axis is the legislation that controls the process of marriage. The third axis is the purpose of establishing the family, which is affection and mercy.

The third axis, which is Love and compassion, to be the product of the other two axes, as it is the real goal to be achieved by the family, and this is represented in the true love that arises through cohesion and sympathy between family members, and arises from the stepping down of some rights in order to sacrifice for the survival of the family, as well as stopping the pursuit of individual desires. This is the true love that the noble verse refers to with affection and mercy, and the result that the family reaches after years of sacrifice.

He also emphasized, comparing Islam’s ideal view of true love and the confusion that some young people claim in their thinking about love. He pointed out that young people are confused between desire related to human nature, concepts related to the purpose of establishing a family, and true love, which is what connects the family, not what it begins with. And it is what remains in the family, because the desire may stop with age.

Dr. Ibrahim Al-Ansari explained the concern of the tolerant Islamic Sharia in the family since the early thinking about the entry of young people to this stage of their lives, as Islam guides young men and girls to the right path since they think about marriage. This is rooted in two famous hadiths, the first is related to choosing a good wife and it was mentioned in the saying of Prophet, peace be upon him: “A woman may be married for four reasons, for her property, her rank, her beauty and her religion; so, get the one who is religious and prosper.” And another hadith about accepting a righteous man when asking for a hand. This matter is understood from his saying, peace be upon him, “If there comes to you one whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be Fitnah in the land and widespread corruption.”

He added that these hadiths came in response to the first axis related to desire, but in the two hadiths, the second axis related to religion is emphasized, which contains the controls, and the goal of the two hadiths is to reach the third axis related to affection and mercy. And these hadiths, where the interaction of man while he practices his natural desires is looked at, as well as his dealings while he practices the legal obligations, the first pillar in this dealing between spouses goes back to dealing with kindness. 

The word “al-Ma’ruf ” came in the various Qur’anic texts restricting the basis for dealing in the system of family formation between spouses. Behind this rule, Al-Ansari pointed out that the frequent repetition of this word in the Qur’an, while talking about the family, its formation and protection is considered the first basis in establishing the family and raising a successful generation. Examples of this: The verses of Surat Al-Baqarah that talk about family rulings from verse 221 to verse 242 in which the word “al-Ma’ruf” is repeated twelve times, except for synonyms and words close to that, such as: consultation, consent, credit..etc. This indicates that the pillar of good treatment is the first rule of the family formation system in Islam.

Al-Ansari elaborated on the issue of caring for a kind treatment between spouses, the legal meaning of the concept of “degree,” which was mentioned in the Almighty’s verse:{And due to them [i.e., the wives] is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men [i.e., husbands] have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]} To complete the meaning of the first pillar, he said: “Men have the same obligation as women in all aspects of life, just as a woman has to beautify for a man,  he must also beautify for her, and the degree mentioned for men in this verse is spending on women and the family and managing their affairs.”

Al-Ansari considered the degree mentioned to be the second rule in the formation of the Muslim family, because if the word is understood and properly employed, then the family lives in permanent goodness and continuous communication, and the function of the “degree” does not exceed the authority granted to the man or husband that corresponds to the nature of his creation. The degree shows its function in settling disputes if there are signs. The decision that the one who spends from his money is the one who manages matters and takes decisions is not a preference for men over women, but rather the wife may express her opinion as well according to what she spends of her money in managing the affairs of the house. This  “spending and managing the affairs of the house” – as portrayed by the Islamic religion – does not mean authoritarianism and judgment, because decision-making in the family must be taken through consultation, affection and mercy. These pillars are what produce love and help the family to be established in an atmosphere full of mercy, kindness and forgiveness, and it is this family that conveys this message to the community, so that the community is happy and grows up in a state dominated by mercy, love and kindness.

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